multitype | Open Post: Leia Organa

[There will be time for more explanations later to learn what else he's apologizing for. She knows a lot of it, she's sure, and she doesn't need him to repeat it, especially not in the state he's in. Whether it's her own end he's upset about, or whether the worst happened to him, she doesn't know yet, and right now it doesn't matter as much to her.

What matters is watching him on the verge of tears is too much for Leia to watch without doing anything. He's never accepted comfort from her before, but he hadn't shoved her hand away earlier. Without taking time to give it a second thought, Leia moves further into Ben's space, gently wrapping her arms around him, with one hand rested on the back of his head.

It's a bit of an awkward hug, with him sitting down, but it works for now, for Leia.]

I know, Ben. It's okay.

[Honestly, it's probably less awkward than if Ben were standing, given the way that he leans forward to rest his face against her. He settles into the embrace with his own arms reaching up to return it, and the contact is plenty to bring out his barely-suppressed feelings. Hopefully Leia doesn't mind her shirt getting damp today.

He doesn't try to hold back any longer, when there's no reason for it. He doesn't quite end up sobbing, but he's undeniably shedding more than a few tears. He'll need a few minutes to deal with all of this.]

[She doesn't mind. The state of her wardrobe is the last of her concerns in most situations, especially this one. She dips her head, resting a cheek on top of Ben's head, more than willing to hold him as long as he'll permit it.

But after a few minutes, she speaks up again.]

Do you want to go inside? We can talk in there.

[Not that she cares if anyone sees her embracing her son, but it's easier for him to pretend he wasn't crying all over her if there's no risk for an audience.]

[By this point, he's at least made it past the "holding back sobs" stage, which means he's willing to let go and sit back, wiping his face with one hand as he takes a deep breath. He doesn't appear to be trying very hard to hide what's going on, even though he agrees to her suggestion.]

Yeah.

[He gets to his feet with a little more effort than normal—he's still healing from some injuries—and gestures for her to head into the ship.]

[She notices how he strains to get up with a frown. Not that she's surprised he probably got himself hurt--it's not like any of her two Solos have ever been injury averse. But in the context of him allowing himself to cry on her for the first time she can recall, it's not a good sign.

She follows into the Hawk, but even before they really start to get into whatever happened to him, Leia can't help herself--]

You need to rest, Ben. You shouldn't be pushing yourself so hard.

[As glad as she is to have ran into him, she doesn't want him to hurt himself more by going out before he's really ready for that. (Even if she's done exactly that before, but do as I say and all that)]

[He takes his time going inside, but his long legs make it so he isn't moving too slowly. Leia's comment makes him raise his eyebrows as he's ducking his head under a stray pipe that should have been fixed a little closer to the ceiling or the wall.]

I'm not doing much.

[Walking around the city doesn't really register as pushing himself, in his mind.]

[Leia, short as she is, barely has to move her head to avoid that pipe. This ship is still 100% Han even without him here.]

You look stiff.

[Arguably, walking around isn't pushing himself that much, but the airship docks are a decent distance away from the city. Depending on how he got here, that's definitely pushing himself, if you ask Leia.]

Did you walk here yourself?

[A hum of acknowledgement leaves him at her comment. Sure, he won't argue he's not exactly in top physical shape. It's a miracle he has a physical shape at all.]

I took my time.

[Stop worrying about it, Mom!! Gosh.]

I needed to see the city.

[She definitely expected more argument than that. Yet more proof that something extremely serious must have happened to knock some level of sense into her giant dumb Solo son.

and excuse u she will worry always, it's her job!!!]

You needed to see it, or you didn't want to sit inside?

[There's a difference!!]

[WELL QUIT IT

Ben lets out a huff through his nose as he settles into a familiar seat on the Hawk. He guesses he's gotten predictable.]

Both.

[She's just the galaxy's foremost expert on Solos, it's fine. And she probably (absolutely) would get bored staying inside to recover, as well, as much as she wants to credit that recklessness to Han.

She takes a seat next to him, shifting to angle herself so she has a clear look at him for whatever's about to come next.]

Were you in a fight?

[She assumes the answer is yes, but it's enough of a start for him to explain, she thinks.]

You could call it that.

[... that's kind of an evasive answer, isn't it? But it's not that he's trying to avoid the issue, it's just that he doesn't know how to talk about it just yet. A couple of days is not a lot of time to think about the implications of your entire life.]

The First Order's gone. With all the other remnants of the Empire.

[Maybe he will avoid mentioning Palpatine. That creature deserves no credit for anything.]

[Her eyebrows shoot up in surprise at that first heavy information drop.

She had hope that this would eventually be the case in the future. She had no doubt that, no matter how long it would take, the Resistance would prevail. But hearing it from Ben, and hearing it happened this soon? That's a surprise.]

How? What happened?

[There's also the nagging worry she has that, hey, Ben was part of that First Order.]

Rey... and the rest of the Resistance.

[He's not sure of how they amassed such a force in a short amount of time, having been preoccupied with his own journey.]

I don't have many of the details. But any of the Order's remaining leadership was likely killed with their fleet.

[Him not knowing the details is both strange and worrying, and that worry shows clearly on her face. Because last she thought she knew, he was in charge. Why wouldn't he know what happened to the leadership?]

Were you not there when it happened?

[She both wants to know, and doesn't really want to know what happened to him.]

I only saw it from a distance.

[That's sort of how he feels about it, too—distant, like it happened to someone else. Maybe it's just because he's dead, or because he feels like he did so little, or he hasn't had the time to process it. He's too tired to theorize right now.]

I was trying to get to her at the time.

[Kind of hard to see what's going on when you've been tossed into a crevice.]

[The way Leia takes that is the complete opposite of what he was actually trying to do.

She purses her lips, silent for a moment as she imagines what the entire scene must have been like. Where were Chewie, Finn, even Poe? She can only hope they ended up coming out of it okay. Not that she expects Ben to know that.]

Should I ask what happened to you, Ben?

[Ben bites his lip, looking away for a moment. Even with the most flattering retelling, the truth isn't something he thinks will be easy for her to hear, not after all the time she foolishly spent trying to reach out to her broken son.

He could easily say no, that she shouldn't ask. But maybe that would only lead her to something more painful than an actual answer. Secrets have only ever hurt their family, anyway.]

I fought for what you believed in. Or I—tried to.

[He can't bring himself to say why he had a change of heart. Hopefully that's enough.]

Rey... she died fighting. [He looks down to the dirty floorboards under his feet. He takes a shaky breath, and he thanks the Force that the motionless figure of Rey in his arms isn't the last thing he had to see of her—that he could make it so that wasn't the last of her.] I couldn't let that happen. So—

[He raises his eyes to his mother, a strange mix of pride and shame there. It's not enough to make up for his mistakes, but he wouldn't take it back.]

I finally did something meaningful. My life for hers.

[It takes a moment or two for what Ben actually said to sink in. She can't believe she's hearing what she's actually hearing, for more than a few reasons. First, there's everything there with the Force, but not understanding that is nothing new to her. And she really doesn't have much need to question that part further, just chalking it up to "yeah the Force is strange."

Rey dying, Ben saving her and dying, and him fighting for what she believed in? That's a change, and a change she may have hoped for (minus the dying, of course) but wasn't sure would actually happen. He may have mellowed in the time she's known him here in Verens, but the shadow of Kylo Ren and everything he wanted to do still loomed over him.

Whatever happened that may have made him shake that darkness, she's proud of him for that.

She reaches out, taking hold of his hand, silent for a moment longer as she ]

Neither of you should have had to go through that. It's not fair to you, or to Rey.

[Because they had fought to hope to prevent this sort of thing happening again in the future. She'll get to the rest of all that in time.]

[Having lived with self blame for so long, Ben knows it when he sees it, and as much as he agrees with the statement she says aloud, he wants to get to the heart of it. His free hand moves to cover hers, and he holds her gaze if he can.]

It's not your fault.

[She looks up at him, her own grief and regret plainly clear in her expression. She knows he's correct and that none of this is her fault, but even now Leia can't help but think of the what ifs. She doubts even Ben would be able to provide answers to some of the questions she has, given that they would've been private between her and Han, and that not knowing is the worst part.]

There was no other way to save her?

It was too late for anything else.

[Although he regrets that he can't give Leia the news that she wants to hear, he hopes that it will give her... some kind of closure. She still has the rest of her life ahead of her anyway, even if it's over for Ben. He is at least grateful for the chance to see her again.]

[She isn't going to pretend to know enough about the Force to know whether this is the truth or whether it's all he knew how to do. Whichever the answer is, it doesn't make it any less upsetting to hear about. She's glad he saved Rey, she is. Rey doesn't deserve that either. But still.]

What happened between the two of you?

[Because she thought there was that whole enemies thing there between them.]

[Yeah, the enemy thing ended pretty spectacularly, as it turns out. He winces at the thought of it, even though his wound didn't even leave a scar, thanks to Rey.]

I realized what I had to do. What was right. That's all.

[He barely considered himself Rey's enemy, honestly. The Resistance had been his enemy, and Rey just didn't know they would be hers, too. That was what he convinced himself of, anyway.]

Even if it took me too long to figure that out.

Edited 2020-01-12 00:59 (UTC)

[Well, no one ever said Solo men were quick on the uptake with certain things. In the end, she's just glad he eventually did come around to the right side of things.]

But you did figure it out.

[Late or not, it counts for something in her eyes.]

"Kylo Ren" is gone for good?

[As in, he's happy to be just Ben Solo. She just... has to check here.]

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